”?!” makes a sound in my head, but I can’t describe what it is.
one time in sixth grade this kid shouted “urethra” instead of “eureka”
i really think i need to start going to therapy. my brain is not okay lately. i got really upset (over stress) at work today and made them let me go home early. i was basically crying in front of my tables, but i couldn’t help it. and this might sound lame, but the fact that robin williams committed suicide today didn’t really help me much either. such a seemingly happy person who brought so much joy into people’s lives was so upset that he took his own life. he had so much to live for, unlike me. i’m just a fucking waitress in deep debt who applies to new jobs all the time. by now, i should have a real job. i should be making decent money. i should be able to fucking move out of my house and start my own life. but no, i’m going to be stuck in this house for a long time. i’m going to be stuck being a shitty server making shitty money and dealing with shitty people. my mind has become plagued since working as a server. i’m more racist towards specific groups, i drink more, i barely eat on the job, and i physically drain myself because the work is exhausting. i want to quit so bad, but i can’t because i need the money. whoever said “money doesn’t buy you happiness” is a fucking liar because i would definitely be a lot happier if i had money right about now. the lack of money is what isn’t making me happy, here. i deserve more. i deserve some sort of break. i am more than capable of any job. my brain hurts from crying so much today, and all i want to do is sleep for the next week. fuck everything.
i am passionate about being passionate, but i never fully found something to be passionate about.