even though he wasn’t as present as he could have been lately, he did help shape me to be the person that i am. he helped to create me, without him, i wouldn’t have been here. my friends wouldn’t be my friends, they would have a different person a lot like me around. maybe they wouldn’t exist either. so i’d like to take the time to thank my dad for giving me life, and i hope he rests peacefully. he was a good guy for most of the time that i knew him. i only try to remember the happy memories with him. like the times he would pick me up and drive me down to his house in delaware, he would blast queen and kid rock and sing and drum with his fingers on the steering wheel. or when he would let me be his bookkeeper and put the address labels on envelopes. or that one time he got mad when i went over my friend’s house without telling anyone. my bad, dad. i hope it was painless.
i’ll be going to his service in wisconsin. i’m leaving disney world for good. i’ll get to be with my family during the holidays, which is nice.
What do you do when the other person doesn't love you back?
It’s not me. I don’t love anyone right now (other than my family and best friends)… but the guy I have been talking to on & off for a year just told me VIA TEXT MESSAGE that he loves me. It was a very elaborate and well-thought out message, but it aggravates me that it is in a text.
Let’s get some back story. I am currently in Florida, and he is back home in NJ. I will be home in the beginning of January.. and when I got home we were going to hang out a lot more and go on dates and maybe a really cool road trip to upstate NY. We have never kissed, and in fact, I started having feelings for him while I was down here in FL. I realized that he is a good guy that could possibly treat me right and not fuck me over.
Right now, he’s kinda upset and mad at me because I didn’t respond well to his “I love you.” I basically said that I really like him, but that I can’t say the same just yet. It takes me a while. I have a lot of trust issues and that’s just how I am. Now he needs some time to “deal with this” since he basically got denied. I told him that I’m sorry and that I won’t bother him..
And now I’m sitting here feeling bad. Should I feel bad? It’s not my fault, really. If we are already having this kind of weird argument thing, how the hell is the relationship going to be if we end up calling each other girlfriend and boyfriend? Do I really wanna know?
i’m very glad i accepted the disney college program internship, because now i will never sit at home and wonder “What if?” would something great come out of that experience? what will i miss out on? those questions are being answered every day that i’m down here in central FL.
i love the perks. going to the parks for free = awesome! i’m so excited for when my family comes to visit. they haven’t had a vacation in a very long time. since it’s extremely discounted, it’s a perfect excuse to spend.
other than that, i feel lost. i’m at a loss of money, i get paid nada. i have to pay for loans soon, and i feel very financially stressed. i can’t live like this; at a constant worry about money. disney is definitely not for me. i’m a very money-driven individual. it makes me feel secure.
the job itself isn’t hard. it’s rewarding and magical. i get to make memories by taking photos of families and people who are enjoying their time. people who have saved up for years just to come down here and have the time of their lives! but, it gets old. the managers and coordinators are not very nice to me. coworkers are nicer, which is saying a lot.
i can’t wait to be home. near new york city. with money. and family. 3 months left.
i just found out i have PCOS.. which stands for polycystic ovary syndrome. no, i’m not gonna die. it actually pieces a lot of the puzzles that i’ve dealt with for a long time together. it can also affect fertility, meaning i cannot have kids as easily as others. i actually don’t even want kids at all, so this might just be a blessing in disguise. it’s crazy cause there’s so many blogs and forums dedicated for ladies with this problem. if you have this too, maybe we can chat together this way we don’t feel all lonely and shit.