i really don’t like it when people claim that they know me better than i know myself. when people tell me what i’m supposedly thinking or what i should be feeling about certain events that have happened in my life. i am certainly a lost person, but i am not a dummy that comes accompanied with a real, life ventriloquist.
i am currently in the process of finding myself (and i used to hate when people said that - how the hell do you not know yourself?) i am growing annoyed with old friendships, blocking myself off from potential new friendships, and i just want to change my identity and flee the country.
i’m such a flaky person with a fickle mind. i don’t ever know what i want. i take one step in the direction that i think is good for me, and somehow it takes me back a few steps. i have spent so much time doing things and not doing anything to help myself. i like to think that i am a strong person, but even the strongest people have their weak days.
i want to live again. i want to love life again. i want the simplicity that i used to have. everything is becoming too complex.
while i was at disney world, i hated it. probably because i was just home sick. now that i’ve been home, i miss disney world. don’t get me wrong, i enjoyed the company but didn’t really enjoy the lifestyle of a CP. sometimes i contemplate applying for photopass again and working there part time and possibly at the bahama breeze down there as well. i just know that once i get down there i will be homesick all over again.